The People of Knoxville

Polite, not Nice

People here are polite, but they're not really that nice. If you're like them perhaps they're nice. But if you don't fit the expected mold, don't expect the supposed kindness to run very deep. Now sure, politeness counts for something. People call you sir or ma'am. They hold open doors and apologize when they bump into or otherwise inconvenience you. They smile and are courteous and appreciative. That stuff is great. It really is.

But underneath that, most people in Knoxville are just as selfish, mean-spirited, ignorant, and hateful as anywhere else. My theory is that they just don't have the courage to be honest about it. That's right - it's cowardice. It's a lot easier to be fakely passive aggressive than express your true feelings. It's a lot easier to pretend that everything is nice and sweet than work stuff out.

Time after time I've witnessed and been subject to people who claim to like you, who profess friendship, and then viciously stab you in the back. I'd rather get stabbed in the face with a scowl than get it in the back with a smile. They'll talk behind your back. They'll try to destroy you. They'll attack you personally. Almost always from the shadows and in whispers.

If you move here, don't trust anyone. I tricked myself into it and paid the price. Don't buy the fake nice front. It's a half inch deep and ugly beneath that surface.

Uncomplicated

While people seem to be generally nice, there sometimes doesn't seem to be too many layers behind the niceness. I like people with layers. I want to know that they have happiness and sadness. I want to know that they have convictions and feelings and interests beyond TV . I want to see an awareness of self, conflicts, and complexity. But for a good handful of people I've met in this area, those elements seem to be lacking. Every word I try to find to describe the absence of these things comes out insulting, but I think I'll settle on "uncomplicated". Not shallow, not unintelligent, not uncultured - just uncomplicated. It makes it hard to find people to connect with on a deeper level. It makes it hard to know if you're talking to the real person and not just a front.

The Downright Ugly

No doubt you've heard about racism and intolerance in the south. Believe the hype. It's not fully out in the open, but there's an ever-present undercurrent that permeates much of Knoxville society. If you are non-white or gay, prepare for pain. There are plenty of anecdotes I could share.

The first one I heard about came from another Northeast transplant to this area who was at a local football tailgating event. Apparently some black guys rolled up and set up their area, and were shortly thereafter approached by some redneck who said something to the effect of "Maybe we should get y'all some Clorox so you can fit in a little better". Now where I come from, that's when a fight breaks out, and it's everyone in the world regardless of color vs. the idiot who would say something like that. But these guys just shrugged it off and went on with their business. It's hard to imagine.

The same friend was at a bar with some of our coworkers when a half-drunk redneck came up to him and said "Hey do you remember the black guy on the Jetsons?". My friend replied "I don't think there was a black guy on the Jetsons" to which the redneck replied "Aint the future great!". To which my ultra liberal friend originally from Philadelphia responded "Hey do you remember racist redneck asshole on the Jetsons?". Thankfully the guy walked away without starting a fight, but let's just say it's a good thing I wasn't there. I don't deal with people like that very well.

Another time my wife was in a fast food restaurant when a flaming gay kid came in, Ridiculous, but harmless. Some redneck behind my wife muttered 'fscking faggot'. She handled it much better than I would have (i.e. "why don't you shut your mouth you fscking shit-eating redneck"). She just said "You dropped something". "What?" asked the asshole redneck. "Your Manners". Far too classy for me.

One more: I'm sitting on my back porch enjoying a sunny summer day. A convertible drives by on the road behind my house with two teenage boys in it. They scream out "I HATE NIGGERS". I know a little black girl always walks her dog over there. What do you want to bet that degenerate comment was directed at her? I bet she cried that night. I bet part of her died. Most people in Knoxville don't care. They say they do, but in their hearts, they don't. As one older Knoxville resident once told me (a man who grew up in a town that had a sign that said "Nigger don't let the sun set on your head"), there's gonna have to be a lot of funerals around here before people's hearts change. I'm looking forward to that. If I ever went criminally insane, I'd steralize 80% of the population.

Miscellaneous

• Lots of people are overweight here, enough that everyone who comes to visit from somewhere else notices it. I blame it on the fact that you have to drive everywhere, the over-abundance of chain restaurants, and too much TV.
  
  
• Lots of people smoke in the car with their kids. I guess they missed the whole second-hand smoke thing.
  
  
• Lots of people treat animals like zoo creatures, not beloved family members. "Outside" pets are very common. So is seeing dogs in the open beds of pickup trucks. I've never been to the Knoxville Zoo without hearing some idiot make a joke about one of the animals being 'good eatin'.

Knoxville Dining

Service

Restaurant Service is great, even at dives. When you're out at a restaurant, the waiter or waitress will stop in and check on you just often enough to be very helpful (like any time your drink is empty or you need something) but not too often as to be annoying. They are almost always very friendly, cheerful, and accommodating. Quite often a manager or supervisor will stop by just to ask how everything is. Stuff comes quick and correct.

Price

In general, food here is CHEAP! I was used to spending an average of $15 a person minimum. The average cost at most medium-grade restaurants here is about $7.

Endless Chains

Knoxville is chain restaurant CRAZY. There are more chain restaurants here than people. It's a bit sickening. I can't even name them all, but just assume that if you've ever heard of it, it exists in Knoxville in at least 4 different locations. Within a 2 mile radius of my work, there are *at least*...60 different chain restaurants. I'm not kidding! It's like nonstop franchise wonderland .

Ethnic & Fine Dining

One definite drawback - lack of quality non-chain restaurants. In terms of higher dining, we've so far found one French place (Brasserie), one Indian place (Sitar), two Middle Eastern Places (Ali Babas & Falafel Hut), two good steak places (Baker Peters and Flemming's), one Vietnamese place (T-ho), and a couple of nouveau cuisine places (Seasons Cafe &Table 15). That's about it.

Pizza RIP...Almost

There is almost no real pizza in Knoxville. For most of my neighbors, pizza is Dominos or Pizza Hut. That's fast food. That's not real pizza.

There is just one pizza place we have found which qualifies as the real deal - Josephine's in Farragut. Beyond that, there are a few places that try to do it right (i.e. Manga's at Turkey Creek), but it's not real pizza. There's bread, and there's cheese and tomato sauce on there, but the proportions, flavoring, consistency, and style of those ingredients are off. Yes I've tried Big Ed's. Yes I've tried Mellow Mushroom and Tomato Head. Their 'pizza' is tasty, but it's not real pizza.

The only other place I can give an honorable mention to is Roman's on Kingston Pike in West Knoxville. In theory it *is* real NY pizza - it's just not very good. They have the ovens, method, and style right - but the quality of their ingredients is off. They also lose points for claiming that their Gelato is "real NY Italian Ice" which it's not, although they win back half a point for using the real Italian ice expandable cups. Real NY Italian ice is made by one vendor - Gino's. It's sugar and water. Fruit has very little to do with it. Don't front on your gelato.

No Quality Italian Food

I don't care what anyone says - there is no quality Italian food in Knoxville. NONE. There is a place called Naples that the locals rave about, but seriously, it sucks. It's like a Chef Boyardee outlet. The food is bland and basic.

Red State, Red Necks

I was really worried about rednecks before moving here, but the specific 'redneck' phenomenon wasn't in itself a big problem. People in Knoxville overall were a problem, but that's not directly related to them being rednecks. If anything, my experience in Knoxville increased my respect for rednecks. Knoxville forced me to ask myself "what is a redneck"? I guess part of it is interests-based. Hunting, fishing, cars, and guns certainly plays a big part. I would also say there's certainly some cultural issues as well - enthusiastic patriotism , religion, country music and conservative values. Previous to my southern experience I would have thrown 'ignorant' in there as well, but I'm not sure I feel that way anymore.

By the definition I've just provided, I've met lots of rednecks since coming to Knoxville; neighbors, coworkers, and people out and about. But despite their interests and philosophy, I've discovered that by and large they're not nearly as ignorant as I once thought. In fact in many cases they're college educated , multi-faceted, fairly intelligent, and polite people. They're willing to get into a balanced and mature discussion about politics or religion or whatever, and they don't make it personal. It's was bit disarming for a left-leaning Yankee like myself. They're still rednecks, and that's not necessarily a good thing, but they're not as bad as I thought.

Knoxville Driving

Driving Courtesy (or lack thereof)

Tennessee drivers are as bad as drivers in most other places, just slower. I'm used to the high-speed-death-warrior bad drivers: tailgating, tight lane switches, idiots on phones and not staying in their lanes. Down here, it's more of the slow-ass what-the-heck-am-I-doing, blocking traffic with my indecisive lameness, what's-a-turn-signal kind of bad driving. Here are my main beefs with Knoxville drivers in order of annoyance.

1) Turn Signals - WWJD? He'd use his [expletive] turn signals. An alarmingly high number of people here refuse to use their turn signals. You'd think turn signals were a mortal sin the way they're avoided. Switching lanes, making a turn on to another road - it doesn't make a difference. Sometimes it bothers me because I'm anal. Other times it's downright dangerous. The worst is when you're across the intersection from someone who you know has to turn, but isn't signaling. Are they going left? Are they going right? There's no way to tell, so the only safe thing to do is to wait for them to finally go. As I wait, I wish hateful things on them. It helps.

2) The Turtle Turn - People *love* to pull out onto a main road when you're fast approaching them, and once they get there, take as much time as they can to accelerate which forces you to break hard. You'll be zooming along at 45 or 50mph, the person will see you 10 seconds away from them, but they'll exhibit a total lack of judgement and pull out anyway. And then the slowness. I've been known to pull out when I shouldn't, but at least I have the courtesy to floor it and get up to speed quickly. But no. It's like they do everything they can to maximize the chance of a rear-end accident.

3) Tailgating - There is an art to driving in heavy traffic, and the good people of Knoxville being fairly new to it have yet to master the idea. When you're in heavier traffic (specifically on I-40 or Alcoa Highway) people will drive practically inches apart at high speeds. There's no room for changing lanes and consequently no room for error. It's no surprise to me that once a month I see a 4 or 5 car accident.

4) Bad Aggressive Drivers - I know aggressive driving. I come from the aggressive driving capital of the United States. If you're on the West Side Highway or the New York Thruway, you'll see those maniacs bobbing and weaving through traffic and driving a million miles an hour. The difference is that they're good drivers. They can pull it off. Their turns are tight, they judge timing and spacing well, and are smooth and steady in their maneuvers. Not so down here in Knoxville. You have the same kind of crazy maniacs, but they can't drive for spit. They pass within inches of the cars they weave around, over or under-accelerate, weave in and out of wall-to-wall tractor trailers, aren't fully aware of their surroundings, and usually drive beat up cars that look like the wheels are going to fall off. If it weren't for the innocents on the road I'd be happy to see natural selection do it's thing with these clowns.

5) Right-of-Way - It's real simple. If two cars are facing each other and need to turn the same direction, the car turning right has the right of way. If two cars are facing each other, one is turning, and one is going straight, the one going straight has the right of way. Tell that to the parade of fools across the intersection from where I work. These simple facts of driving must get stored in the same mental black hole as proper turn signal usage.

6) Indecision - I don't know which way to turn, so why don't I just stop right where I am, look around like I'm lost, and after I've completely stopped traffic or made things unsafe for everyone, finally go where I need to go. Great idea!

Abandoned Cars

For some reason, there are always a high number of abandoned vehicles on the side of roads. Furthermore, they end up sitting there for days. Eventually they get an orange sticker which I assume the cops put there, but even then those cars and trucks will still sit there for days. I don't get it. Perhaps people can't afford to have them towed? In the northeast the police would happily do that for you within 12 hours, at your expense of course.

Public Transportation

There is none to speak of.

Misc

• As far as I can tell, there are no toll roads or bridges in Tennessee
• License Plates are called 'tags'
• Cars do not have to be inspected, nor do they have any emission requirements
• When you're at a public park and the parking lot is full, people park on the grass
• Many roads are *very* narrow, and even more don't have shoulders
• People will stop on railroad tracks waiting to turn. It's insane. Example: Fox Road
• There is no Department of Motor Vehicles here. It's called the 'Department of Safety'.

Easy Living

This is an area in which Knoxville wins. One of the only areas. The cost of living down here is AWESOME! I used to pay $3300 a month for a two bedroom apartment. Before leaving Knoxville we were paying $2100/month for a big 4000 square foot four-bedroom house in an upscale yuppy suburban neighborhood. I used to pay $700 a month in commuting costs (gas, tolls, parking). Knoxville costs: around $50 for just gas. I used to pay thousands of dollars a year in state tax. Tennessee has NO state tax. I used to pay $20 per person for a meal. In Knoxville you pay $20 for a work lunch for four people. See a pattern emerging here?

For most of us transplants, the nice cost of living is Knoxville's greatest asset. But there is a Dark Side to it. First, it's tempting to buy/rent more house than you need and miss the opportunity to save money. Take for example the 1350 square foot apartment I had in NY before moving to Knoxville. That was $3300 a month. If I got the same type of place down here, I'd be paying $600 a month. But no, we wanted to upgrade and live large. The result is a house that is much less that $3300/month, but much more than $600.

The bigger issue is what one relocated Yankee I know calls the "cost of living trap". I know it too well. It's a small miracle of career growth that we were able to afford to move back to NY. We were trapped in Knoxville for years before this became possible. Some of the upgrades in our life were hard to give up. In Knoxville we had a garage. We had central air in every room. We had our own laundry machines. We had a bunch of new furniture that wasn't going to easily fit back into a box. One of us didn't have to work. We had dogs and a yard. You don't switch those things back off. And that's just us. Everyone who comes here has their own upside. It's why so many transplants talk of one day leaving but don't actually do it.

Religion

Before moving here, I was really worried about drowning in religion. I believe in something bigger, I'm all for being a good person, I have respect for JC and Mohammed and Buddha as a guys who talked about and did good things, but beyond that I'm unsure of the specifics. Make no mistake, Knoxville is a very religious place. There are lots of churches, and a good amount of the population goes to them. Almost all the private schools around here are religious. You'll also see lots of religious messages and signs on cars, businesses, and homes. The schools assign less homework on Wednesday's because it's a big church activity night. JC is in the house.

At first I didn't think it was that big of a deal. People don't hit you over the head with it. But then I realized, it's so woven into Knoxville culture that if religion isn't for you, you're in trouble. I have two big problems with how religion manifests itself in Knoxville.

First is the ridiculous hypocrisy. As far as I know, Jesus taught his peeps to love. He didn't teach them to love only those who believed the same thing you believe. Apparently something got messed up in translation for the churchgoing masses in Knoxville. If you're not religious, god forbid you're an atheist, you are at best viewed as something very strange, and at worst an evil degenerate outcast to be shunned. If you're in any way liberal, you're also viewed as a lesser form of humanity to be scorned and hated. The lack of tolerance for different belief systems is amazing.

My other problem is people's assumption that you are religious. I've got a bucket of anecdotes on this point.

Our son had just been born and we were at our pediatrician. We had some debate with a family member who lives with us about the need for babies to have 'Fresh Air'. My wife and I thought it was a wives tale and were annoyed that windows and doors kept getting opened. The debate went on for weeks until we finally all agreed to talk to the doctor. The doctors verdict? No need for fresh air. In fact, drafts made him nervous.

He asked why we asked. We told him about the family debate. He told us there was no need for fresh air and offered the advice "but maybe that's not the hill worth dying on - it's not really a big deal". I told him I agreed, but it was really more about establishing that we were the parents, and that our wishes about how we want our kid cared for were respected. He said "Oh of course, and as the head of the household, you need to make sure to show that proper authority'. After an awkward pause, I said "well actually...we're sort of a democracy in our house". He said "Oh sure...we're the same way in our house, but as scripture tells us, the man of the house is the one who needs to make the final decision". WHAT?

Another example: At the first place I worked down here, we would sometimes have work functions where there would be a meal, usually lunch. Before people ate, there would be a group prayer, a Christian prayer mentioning Jesus. Thankfully I didn't have any Hindus or Muslims or Jews working for me. But I don't think anyone would have cared had that been the case. They also gave out free bibles at the holiday Christmas party. Totally inappropriate in a supposedly multi-cultural society.

There are many more examples, but I don't have the strength to talk about them. Within a month of me writing this I'll be back in NY, and will never have to deal with this shit again.

What Diversity?

Knoxville is by no means a diverse place. There's mostly just one type of person - white, religious, and conservative. Coming from New York, we were used to a huge range of different people, cultures, foods, languages, religions, and experiences. We thrived on it. It added a richness and texture to life that was educational, inspirational, and stimulating.

Some people in Knoxville still call Asians 'Orientals' or refer to all Asians as 'Chinese'. It's only in the past decade that the main country club around here (Cherokee) allowed black people, and I'm still not sure they do. The few Hispanics that are here are referred to as 'Mexicans'. There are very few black people, and the few that exist are poorly integrated with the rest of Knoxville society.

It's not just about racial diversity. It's about cultural diversity. Almost everyone listens to country or rock music. There's really not anyone, not even kids, into electronic music, or hip hop, or punk, or anything out of the comfortable Caucasian mainstream. People who don't go to church, or people who are non-Christian are the vast exception. People who don't worship sports are the exception.

If diversity is for you, Knoxville isn't the place to be.

Knoxville ROCKS!

After a very diverse musical upbringing I've become somewhat picky, so to be honest I can't really speak to much more than my own 'scenes', but there are a few observations I can make.

The first is that Knoxville is a BIG rock n' roll town. I don't know much about it since I've forsaken modern rock, but from what I can tell it's everywhere down here. Almost all the bars and radio stations are all about rock and rock-focused bands. If that's your thing, you'll be a happy camper in Knoxville.

There's also as one might expect, a big love of country music. If people aren't into rock, they're into country. Let's not forget Nashville is only three hours away.

And that's it.

If you like hip hop, dance music, or any other sub-genres - pack your CDs and your pleasant memories.

The Knoxville Airport

The Knoxville airport is an interesting phenomenon, and on the whole a welcome relief after a lifetime of Laguardia, JFK, and when I got really desperate, Newark. On the good side of things, you can get to it from most places in Knoxville in about 20 minutes, there is ample parking, and since it's only one terminal, it's easy to get around. The security lines are quick, the staff extremely friendly, and all in all it makes for a fairly stress-free airport experience. My favorite thing is that they have all these super comfy armchairs, and couches, and ottomans everywhere which makes every minute you have to wait extremely pleasant. That's the good stuff, and despite the amount of time I'm about to devote to complaining about the airport, the good definitely outweighs the not-so-good.

Speaking of which, it's not all roses. The people behind the ticket counters are slower than sugar and it usually drives me nuts. I'm glad they're happy, I'm glad they're friendly and relaxed, but that doesn't mean the scheduled departing time of the plane I'm trying to get on is equally relaxed. God forbid there is anything out of the ordinary with a passenger check-in, because to work it out requires a small army of rocket scientists to stand around the terminal scratching their heads like it's the first time they've ever seen snow.

Beyond that, flight service in and out of the airport isn't always the most reliable or expedient thing. There are only a few airlines that run out of there and they're subject to frequent delays and cancellations, a fact made only more frustrating by the weak communication skills and afore-mentioned slowness exhibited by the airline staff. There are also very few direct flights from Knoxville to most places in the US (especially the Northeast), so you're almost always going to have a connecting flight through Atlanta or Cleveland. As a result of this connecting business, you're also going to pay about $400 to go anywhere which is a real bummer. But take it for what it is - an airport that serves a small city and medium metro area. By those standards, it's actually quite luxurious. The minor annoyances are more than worth it.

Lastly, let me warn you incoming Yankees - there are things about the Knoxville airport which will scare you and potentially reinforce your southern prejudices. First off the name: "McGhee Tyson Airport". To me the name "McGhee" screams "I don't have all my teeth and I play the banjo". Then there is the airport motto: "You're good to go". That type of saying almost demands a cowboy hat. Lastly, they often have lobby exhibits from local businesses which highlight some of the local color, specifically Motorcycles and Fishing boats. These things scared me when I first arrived. I was right to be scared.

Knoxville Weather

The weather in Knoxville is decent enough. If I remember correctly, the spring starts in March with temperatures in the 60's and 70's and a lot a rain. That flows into summer with temperatures gradually increasing to the 80's or 90's. For the first month or so of the summer, the humidity is actually pretty low and tolerable. Come July however, it gets sticky. It not as bad as the super humid summer heat of say New York or Florida, but it's not great either. What do you expect - it's summer in the pseudo south.

By late September it's back in the 70's, and we slowly slide down about 10 degrees a month until winter when the temperature bottoms out right above the freezing mark. Personally...that annoys me. It's cold enough to need a winter jacket, but not cold enough for it to snow more than in inch or two. As for skiing, there is some in the Smokey Mountains both in Tennessee and North Carolina, but to anyone from the Northeast it's pretty much the same thing as real pizza. If you've skied out West, hold on those memories. I've been snowboarding here once, and it was just barely worth going - barely. It's pretty surreal to be on a well groomed artificial slope and see green fields next to you. Thank god for snowmaking.

When it does snow however, people in Knoxville pass out crazy pills and an insane case of are-you-#%^&-kidding-me sweeps the entire area. At even the hint of snow, let alone the measly 1 or 2 inches that will sometimes accumulate, they shut down everything, and I mean everything. The first winter I was here, it snowed about an inch and a half overnight, all school was canceled (including some preemptively for 2 days because they heard it was going to be bad - like maybe 3 inches), and half the people I work with didn't come in. What little there was had melted completely by 10AM. All the locals I talk to about it have a million excuses for this mania ranging from black ice, lack of snow tires, "it's worse on the back roads", and a bunch of other 'reasons' which are quite frankly ridiculous. I wanted to pull out my rusting snowboard and slap them with it.

In terms of non-freezing precipitation, it rains fairly frequently, but only in short bursts and in uneven patches. It can be a torrential downpour in one part of town, and totally sunny out 2 miles down the road. It's weird, but kind of cool. It also makes for lots of really spectacular rainbows. Here are some pictures of those rainbows:

Stick em' Up (Please)

As you might expect, there isn't a lot of crime in Knoxville. It exists, but nowhere near the amount or type that most Yankees are used to. People leave their doors and cars unlocked and stuff worth stealing in their yards. You hear about bad things on the news, but as opposed to being the 'highlight crimes', you're pretty much hearing about ALL the serious crimes. There aren't rampant drugs being sold on the street, gangs, school violence, car thefts, muggings, etc. By and large this is a very safe area.

But that's not to say I haven't heard a couple of yucky stories. On the lighter side of things, there was a trailer of lawnmowers stolen from my neighborhood a few weeks after we moved here. In the middle, a woman I worked with was temporarily stalked by some peeping Tom who even went as far as to enter her house one day, but thankfully didn't do anything worse. The worst horror story I heard was of some woman getting raped while her children were locked up in the bathroom. But again, these are the horror stories, not the general rule.

It's like anywhere - you need to have common sense. There are realities which drive crime. The less money you have the more likely you are to commit crime, and this area has it's share of people without a lot of money, but if you're smart and use common sense you should never have any problems.

It's All About Location

We're brand new parents and don't have kids in the system yet so I'm not really an expert, but I've been here long enough to know a few things. First, there are both good public schools (specifically in West Knoxville) and bad schools (specifically in North, East, and South Knoxville). If you're looking to focus on the good ones, the districts you want are Farragut, Hardin Valley, Bearden, Rocky Point, and possibly Maryville.

In addition to public schools, there are also a ton of private schools, although almost all of them are religious. For us that was a problem, but for others it might not be. From what I understand the only non-religious private school is Webb. The good news about Webb is that it's an amazingly good school. The bad news is that it's an amazingly expensive school ($12k/year) and has a lot of pretentious rich kids in it. If we could afford to, we'd send our kid there, but $1000 a month! Yikes!.

Bring Your Inhaler

Why does this merit it's own category? Because allergies are out of control in this area. It's a big drawback. If you or your family has bad allergies, Knoxville is not the place for you. Almost everyone I know is on allergy medication, many of them needing regular shots during the allergy season.

As I understand it, there are several reasons why it's so bad. The first is that the jet stream dumps a bunch of pollen-laden air here which gets trapped by the mountains. The second is that supposedly much of Atlanta's pollution flows this way and hangs out. The third is that there are tons of allergen-producing plants around here and lots of rain to whip it all up and spread it around.

And finally, crazy as this is, there are no emissions standards in the Knoxville area. It's outrageous. You'll see cars headed down the road practically on fire they're belching so much smoke. I've heard it's because many people can't afford to keep their vehicles in better shape. This damned Yankee says tough shit. Why should my children breathe in even more polluted crap? Raise the minimum wage, give a tax credit, provide outright welfare if that's what it takes. The air is bad around here. Everything can and should be done to improve it. O.K...I'm done ranting. My apologies.

Urban Knoxville

Believe it or not, Knoxville does have an actual 'downtown'. It has skyscrapers, it has a convention center, an opera, a big theatre or two, two strips with bars and such, a few restaurants....but that's about it. You can drive around the whole 'city' itself in about 7 minutes. By Yankee standards it's not much of a city, but considering the size of the population here it's relatively appropriate. It's sized to fit.

But that said, don't get any big illusions about spending a day or even an afternoon in downtown Knoxville. Despite it's crisp styling and basic urban components, it is surprisingly lacking in both small businesses and restaurants. There are only two places with shops. The first is Market Square, which is literally one pedestrian square consisting of maybe 20 stores at best. There are *maybe* a few shops along Gay Street, and a few more on South Central down in the part of town called the "Old City", but other than that, nothing. The restaurant selection is even more sparse.

As far as actual living downtown, you can forget it. There is no solid public transportation system and no real pedestrian-accessible services. When we lived in Brooklyn you had everything within a few blocks walking distance: cleaners, supermarkets, doctors, dentists, delis, restaurants, parks, nail salons, schools, libraries, hardware stores, movie theatres, bars, and tons of retail stores of every type. Downtown Knoxville has approximately...none of that. Maybe it will in 15 years. Maybe 25. Maybe never. All these things do exist, but only in endless miles of strip malls that stretch away from downtown in every direction. Knoxville is a suburban experience.

You get a C for Effort

Business Maturity

The companies I've worked at in Knoxville still have a lot to learn about business best practices and being professional. There are a whole lot of mom and pop shops around here who you can excuse somewhat for being small and not knowing better. But even the large companies aren't much better. There's often very little process or project management in place. People tend to shoot from the hip and figure out things as they go along. There's a lot of nepotism and insufficient accountability. Decisions are made subjectively and emotionally, not objectively based off of data. Meeting etiquette is weak. Some people have communication difficulties due to insufficient education.

Resistance to Change

It's true in most places, but my experience in Knoxville business circles shows a higher-than-average aversion to change. I got a lot of "well this is the way we've always done it" or "you need to understand the culture here". You can work through it, but it's a challenge. Lots of people here 'grew up in a silo'. They know what they know, but given Knoxville's insular job market, haven't had the benefit of learning from the people around them who have worked at bigger companies or in different environments. You get a lot of people who think they know a lot, and relative to others in Knoxville maybe they do, but in the larger world they're actually small fish.

Taking Business Personally

The biggest challenge I ran into was people taking things personally, and an inability to absorb and benefit from constructive criticism. I think it ties into the ultra-polite, fake, passive aggressive culture. I had more than one situation where an employee of mine was looking for a promotion they weren't qualified for. I did my best to constructively explain the job requirements, the gap in their experience or skills, and even chart a growth path and support structure for them to close those gaps. It had nothing to do with them personally. I liked them as people - really I did. But they didn't see it objectively and in a professional light. They viewed it as an attack on their character. In turn, they then sought to attack my character and in one case, the individual spread rumors in an attempt to get me fired. Ridiculous.

Shallow Job Market - A real danger for professionals in Knoxville is the shallowness of the job market. This is the number one reason we decided to move back to NY. If I lost my job in Knoxville, there is almost no way I'd be able to find another one at my seniority and salary level. There's little to no chance I'd be able to find something even if I was demoted a level and took a 30% pay cut. There's even slim chance I'd find something if I something if I was demoted two levels and took a 50% pay cut. I've known people with great resumes and experience at huge companies who were out of work 6 plus months in Knoxville due to lack of jobs. I've known people who lost everything. If I had lost my job here, we would have lost everything. This is a huge red flag for anyone considering moving here. If there is not a substantial job market for your profession, or if you don't get a contract with a soft landing if you lose your job, do not move here.

Go Vols!

Why a football section you ask? Because Knoxville LIVES for it's local football team, the University of Tennessee Volunteers. I can not overstate this enough. During football season, everywhere you go you will practically drown in 'Vols' paraphernalia and their signature color, bright orange. You'll see tons of cars adorned with stickers and magnets and flags, enough to put the NY Puerto Rican Day parade to shame. At least half of all people will be wearing some form of Vols merchandise on game day Saturdays. More than half of all business shows their spirit. The malls have stores that sell nothing but Vols merchandise. There's even a theme song which I think is called "Rocky Top" which everyone seems to know by heart, which has been remixed into ten different genres. People don't make plans on Saturdays during football season. They're more flexible on missing church than a UT football game. On game day, don't even *think* of trying to drive anywhere near downtown or on any major highway. It's fairly insane.

But I have to admit, the insanity is infectious. We'd never been to a football game before we came here, and even being a jaded Yankee I have to say it's a lot of fun. They say an inter-faith blessing before the game which is a bit weird, but it's mostly along the lines of 'let's have a good game, hope nobody gets hurt, thanks for the gift of football'. The fans are respectful of each other and the opposition, and the stadium practically sizzles with kinetic energy and positive vibes.

My wife felt that we needed to walk the walk and got us a bunch of Vols gear, but I'd like to think we kept it real - I got a hot pair of orange-themed Adidas which with a subtle UT logo on the laces. It also helps that orange was a favorite color of mine long before I moved to Knoxville.

Say it with me: GO VOLS!

Knoxville Activities

One of the things I quickly discovered after moving here was that America is America - strip malls and suburbia. We all watch the same crappy TV and movies. We all eat at the same crappy restaurants. We go to the same franchise stores, listen to similar music, and do similar things. Most of us work during the day, spend time with our families in the evening, have one day to hang out on the weekends, and one day to run errands and take care of the house.

That said, in those fleeting moments of free time when we actually leave the house, there are actually plenty of things to do around here. For example:

• Movies
• Restaurants
• Rent a DVD
• Entertainment Centers (arcade, bumper cars, etc.)
• Mini Golf
• Driving Range
• Ice Skating
• Roller Skating
• Skate Parks
• Dog Parks
• Human Parks (lots of em)
• Hiking
• Camping
• Bars
• Clubs
• Pool
• Go-Karts
• Museums
• The Opera
• The Theatre
• Coffee Shops
• Fishing
• Sports
• Shooting
• Boating
• Swimming
• The Knoxville Zoo
• Various Nature Centers
• Seasonal Stuff
• Musical Events
• Laser Tag
• Paintball
• Car/Motorcycle Racing

...and probably lots more. That's just mostly the stuff I'm into and our kid is just a baby, so as he gets older I'm sure that will open up even more. The Gatlinberg and Pigeon Forge areas are also close by which are a bit hillbillyrific, but still fairly entertaining with lots of things to do. If you consider places like Atlanta, Chatanooga, Nashville, Ashville NC and all points in between, then there is even more.

The truth is most places are what you make it. Knoxville is no different. I guess I'm not going to warehouse parties in Brooklyn anymore, and my wife is without her beloved sample sales, but by and large, there is not much difference here than most anywhere else. Oh...except that when you go out to do these things, there are terrifying, intolerant, asnd ignorant people everywhere, many speaking broken english.

Knoxville Fauna

There's an interesting mix of wild animals around here. Lots of groundhogs, lots of rabbits, and lots of hawks and vultures that seem to have no fear of people or cars and both fly low and hang out close to the roads. My wife claims to have seen an Opossum. One night we almost hit a raccoon. There are chipmunks and squirrels. I haven't personally seen any deer, but friends and neighbors assure me there are still a few stragglers around. Unfortunately, the lack of animals speaks somewhat to the rampant over-development of this area, especially in West Knoxville where I live. It's ironic that there are less woods and nature here in Tennessee than in suburban NY.

The only thing I really miss seeing from New York are the wild turkey. But I'm feeling hate for birds these days. When we first moved here there was some nighttime songbird that frequented the trees in front of our house which started chirping its brains out about 1AM every morning. I destroyed its nest (thankfully egg and chickless), but that little sonbitch still came back every other night for a month right at bedtime to mess with me. I've since heard it was a Mockingbird and that they are protected by federal law, but I bought a pellet gun none-the-less. Thankfully our new house doesn't have the bird issue, but if I ever go through that again, homebird is going down.

Misc

• There doesn't appear to be any Full Serve gas stations. The yuppy in me frowns.
  
  
• In the West Knoxville area, Weigels is like Starbucks. Weigels is a small gas station / mini-mart chain. In terms of 'food', the stuff they sell is absolute garbage. Eggs, Milk, and Butter are the only things I'd risk getting there. But that's just me. Lots of other people love them some Weigels, and even I get almost all my gas there. But again, they are like Starbucks, which is to say in great number and ridiculously close to each other. Consider the area in which we used to live. There is a Weigels 3 minutes in one direction on Westland Drive, another Weigels 3 minutes in another direction on Northshore in Concord, and finally yet *another* Weigels just a few minutes away on the corner of Ebenezer and Northshore.
  
  
• Nobody, including business, ever use their area code when giving out phone numbers. In the NY area there were 6 different area codes within a 30 miles radius of New York City, so you *always* had to specify your area code. In Knoxville however, there is just one area code - 865. If you mention it when giving your phone numbers, people look at you impatiently as if to say "why are you wasting both our time telling me something I already know".

Missing in Action in Knoxville

There are a number of things that we took for granted in the Northeast that are unfortunately not to be found within what seems like a bazillion miles of Knoxville. We mourn their loss and look forward to the day when the Yankee migration brings with it these products and franchises

Relocatin' to Knoxville

Provided you aren't turned off by Knoxville's social and cultural deficiencies - Knoxville is a pretty good place to live. For anyone who wants to raise a kid properly, own a home that costs less than $400k, or if you have a combined household income of less than $300,000, chances are moving to Knoxville wcan provide a decent quality of life there is a job market for whatever you do.

Going For It

Making the decision to move here is the hardest part. There's a lot of fear and anxiety. It usually breaks down to one of these areas of concern:

1) The Three R's - Fear of Rednecks, Religion, or Rebels. It's all that 'southern stuff' some yankees find stereotypically ignorant and scary. Multiply that x10 if you're a minority. My Knoxville experience and that of others I've known confirmed a lot of these fears. After four years, we moved back home. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

2) Family - Leaving the family behind! Many people have active relationships with their families. Multiply that x10 if you have kids.

3) Friends - Leaving the friends behind. This was wicked for me. My best friends are life-friends I've known for over a decade and still speak to weekly. We've made real friends down here, maybe even a life-friend or two, but it can be hard to compare with the friends left behind.

4) Role Changes - A lot of people move to Knoxville so a parent can stay home. That transition is a serious one. Chances are the person who stays home was working before moving to Knoxville. Going from a full-time environment where you spend more time with your coworkers than your family to one without any coworkers - that's a big change. Your feelings of worth, your motivation, and your contributions to your family all get redefined. Going to one income takes adjustments. I highly suggest maintaining a budget and being honest and transparent in all spending until you find your groove.

5) Job Security - If you come here for a job, what if you lose it? Can you get another one? It depends on your industry. Do the research. Pretend you were looking for a similar job. Go through the exercise. In my case, I'd be all right. If you see options out there and your finances can support a little in-between-jobs buffer, then you should be good.

Come Visit Knoxville

Before moving to Knoxville, it's essential that you come for a visit and stay as long as you can. If you're going to make the decision to move, you need to understand the place you're moving to and the people who inhabit it. To get a decent swipe at the Knoxville experience, I suggest you:

1. Go to every Restaurant in our Restaurant Guide
   
2. If it's football season, do whatever it takes and get tickets to the game - or at least visit the massive tailgate.
3. Go downtown and visit Market Square, Gay Street, and South Central in the Old City
4. Go to the West Town Mall and be somewhat comforted. Go to the East Town Mall and be somewhat frightened.
5. Visit Victor Ashe Park. If you've got a dog - bring em'.
6. Assuming you'll be in western Knoxville - get to know Kingston Pike from Lenoir City to Turkey Creek - all the way to Downtown.
7. Get to know I40, 640, and 75.
8. Drive to the airport in Maryville - it's close.
9. If it's in season, go to Pigeon Forge or Dollywood
10. If you're feeling wild, go to the Smokies
11. If you're feeling like seeing the land, drive the 3 hours to Nashville
12. Drive down Northshore Drive and visit some of the many parks
13. Try to locate all the support services you'd need - post office, cleaner, hardware store, etc.
14. Go to a Shoneys or Cracker Barrel - you need to see the local color.

Preparing to Move to Knoxville

Oh man...what a massive pain. It's a big deal moving your whole world across the country. Here's a rough list of what to think about:

• Finding a Place to Live - We provide a list of possible house-listings sources below, but the key issue is timing. Whether renting or buying, you need to come prepared with at least two days of house-viewings lined up. I suggest spacing them out every hour and a half to give you time to see places, drive to the next, and inevitably get lost a few times. It took us a full weekend of perhaps 15 places before we found a good one to rent. When buying a house, expect to spend at least that much time and probably more. If you're going to rent, keep in mind when during the month listings are going to go on the market, and the fact that you can usually only move in on the first of the month. You might need to seek temporary housing as a stop-gap to the start of the month.
  
  
• Option 1: Finding a Mover - God I hate movers. No matter what national moving company you use, they always sub-contract it out to some local schmo located in the area you're moving from, who will pick up your stuff up with either a crew of regulars or guys just hired for the day. They will then give you some outrageously broad and unspecific delivery time window (like 4 days!). "We'll have that to you sometime between Monday the 1st and Thursday the 4th". "O.K - I'll just tell my new employer that I'm going to need to take off a full day on one of four days with almost no notice". You would think with modern technology they could tell you when it would arrive. Use MapQuest if nothing else! But no. They linger until the last moment, hoping to get another load going that direction thereby making the trip more profitable for them. God I hate movers.
  
  
• Option 2: Getting a U-Haul Interesting fact: U-Haul is originally a Hawaii-based moving company whose name is actually pronounced 'ooo-ha-ool'. If you believe that, you've made a fool very happy. But seriously - if you're to save some jack and move yourself, you're going to need a truck. Make sure to get it reserved far enough in advance. Make sure it's big enough for all your junk. Make sure you pack thoroughly. Get the optional insurance on the truck. Be aware of how tall your vehicle is and look for clearance signs on bridges, and 'no trucks allowed' highways and roads. Make sure you have a really good map or directions to where you're going.
  
  
• Quitting Your Job For some this is painful. For others, a joyful deliverance from hell to the hope of a new future. And for the rest, a mix of both. You need to formally give notice of course. You also need to tell all your coworkers, and you can be sure many of them will not understand. Don't worry about those clowns. Let them live the hard life in their comfortable predetermined existence. Resist telling people what you think of them - Knoxville's not that far away. Take the time to personally thank and say farewell to the people who helped you outgrow or survive your now 'old job'. Make sure you get your final paycheck, any back vacation/sick pay, and can roll your 401k if (you've got one). Give HR or whoever does your tax-stuff your new address so they can send your W2 at the end of the year.
  
  
• Telling Your Friends and Family - If nothing else, make sure to give them your new address and phone number. Many of them are going to flip out. They will have all the same fears and misperceptions as you, except in many cases at the same instant they hear you are leaving. "You're moving WHERE?". "WHY?!". "Are you Crazy?". Be patient. Educate them. If moving is the right thing for you and your family, it's the right thing. Your friends and family should respect and support that. Technology is making the world smaller and smaller. If people make the effort to stay in touch, they can stay in touch.
  
  
• Disposing of Your Place - If you've been renting, good luck getting that security back. Even the most pleasant of landlords can suddenly get cranky and stingy at the end. Don't let them know where you're going. They will think the odds that you'd pursue them if they pulled any crap are decidedly in their favor if you're going out-of-state. If you own a home and need to sell it, it's a fine tightrope to walk with timing in order to avoid paying two mortgages or housing payments at once. Chances are you'd never see that money again. Consider renting at first when you move to Knoxville to give yourself the safety rope to dispose of your old home at a comfortable pace. Rents are cheap here and all leases can be broken. If you're looking to buy right away, you could also consider a 'bridge loan' which liquidizes some of the equity in your current home to cover the interim. Lastly, you could consider holding on to your current home and renting it out. Just make sure to really check out the people you'd rent to. We had a positive experience with renting out our place before we sold it. *WARNING*: We only waited a year before we bought a home down here. Big mistake. Not long after we realized Knoxville isn't the place for us, and now we're saddled with a house. Consider renting for a good long while until you're SURE you want to settle down here.
  
  
• Setting Up Your New Knoxville Home - You need to set up all your utilities including electric, gas, water, phone, cable, Internet, renters/homeowners insurance, garbage service, fire service, and if you're a yuppy like me - lawn service or maybe cleaning service. In some cases there will be up-front deposits needed to get set up. In some cases you will need to go to branch offices directly. Internet support for most utilities is weak or non-existent. You need to switch over your cell phones. You need to get a Tennessee license, car tags (license plates), and switch over your car insurance. You need to set up a bank account. You might need to find daycare or arrange for school. You might need to find a church. Doctors, Dentists, Hair Salons, Nail Places, Supermarkets, Libraries, Bars - whatever regular or semi-regular services you rely on, you gotta find and when applicable, set that stuff up. Lastly if you're renting, rentals do not come with a washer and dryer. You will need to purchase or bring your own. Check out the Knoxville Craigslist site for some good deals.
  
  
• Updating Your Personal Info - You'll need to update your contact info on your credit cards, car payments, school loans, and any other non-utility bills. Every web site that has a profile for you needs to be updated.
  
  

Knoxville Housing Resources

1) Rental Homes of America - If you're looking to rent, Rental Homes of America (865-688-7848) is a service that provides you with a great source of homes for rent. They are extremely effective. When I used them, I paid a one-time flat fee of around $80, told them the areas I was looking to find a place in and what qualities my target home needed to have, and they emailed me a list of everything that matched for up to a year if I needed it. I didn't need a year. Their first list was so awesome I was done after that. The lists are long, detailed, and most of all represent real quality homes. We were amazed with the quality of the listings, as have other people been whom we've recommended this service to.

2) Alicia Merrifield from Realty Executives Associates - If you're looking to buy, Alicia is your woman. She has already helped one family of KnoxvilleYankee readers from New Jersey find a home, and my wife and I had a wonderful experience working with her to find a place for us. She's fantastic. She's professional, a good listener, articulate, well organized, good on follow-through, a good productive user of email, works to refine her suggested listings to your preferences and adjust to your style and needs, is *not* pushy in the slightest, and is overall a very nice, fun, and positive person. She's also the single mother of a teenage son, a teacher at Webb - the leading private school in the area, and has lived here for 15 years. For you bilingual yankees, she speaks flawless Spanish. So far she's been great in every way. Visit Alicia's web page.

3) John Sadler from Weichert Realtors - If you're looking to rent, John Sadler is your man. We didn't end up getting a place through him (we used Rental Homes of America), but we had a very positive experience looking at a home he showed us. We found him through the Internet (Weichert is one of the few realtors around here with a real Internet presence), and were very impressed with his professionalism, friendliness, and honesty. True to the Tennessee stereotype, he doesn't work on Sundays (which he says are reserved for church and family), but in some sort of way we actually respected that. I guess it's refreshing to see morality like that from a salesperson. Visit John's web page.

After the Move

I don't want to lie to you: despite the fact that Knoxville ends up making sense for most people, the transition is not always easy. Even though maybe only 10% of life is different, it feels like a lot more than that. The people are different. Their sense of humor, the way they talk, and in some cases the way they live their lives are different. The food is different. There are things you're used to that will no longer be there. If you've left your family or friends behind, you'll miss them. It's damn hard work to make new friends - and if you don't put the work in - you can feel isolated and lonely. If you move down here before you (or both of you) finds a job, the weeks or months it takes to find one can make everything I've just mentioned feel worse. If you have kids, they are going to have their own adjustments with school and finding new friends.

In addition, these transitional feelings will go in cycles. It's not like you'll gradually feel better about it every day until there's never a rainy day again. It comes and goes. For people without kids, it seems to hit them harder. It definitely gets better and easier for everyone no matter what. For some it doesn't get 'better enough' and they know they will leave some day. It never got better enough for us. Maybe it will for you. Regardless, brace yourself.

About Me

Who is this damned Yankee you ask? Rather than attempt to write up some wannabe-witty biographical paragraph, I'm just going to free-associate list a whole bunch of things that conspire to make me who I am. In no particular order, I am a:

Someone who no longer lives in Knoxville!

Father, husband, friend, son, and brother

Sarcastic punk

Off-white, 31 years old, and 6 foot 6 inches tall

Senior manager and Internet Professional with over decade of experience

Left-leaning moderate

Lover of animals, especially my three dogs and my two cats.

DJ, Producer, Percussionist, and very developmentally challenged Keyboard player

Retired rollerblader, three-trick skateboarder, snowboarder, and avid sled riding aficionado

Amateur author and on-again off-again avid reader.

Video game junkie, both Sony Consoles and PC

Recovering arrogant, self-righteous, unforgiving jerk - but a relentless self-improver

Low-level environmentalist

Semi-retired Internet Entrepreneur and advisor to other tech startups.

Native New Yorker

Music-school drop-out

Former raver

Movie lover

Agnostic/Deist

Fair-weather NY Yankees fan, but otherwise indifferent towards sports

Amateur but passionate photographer

Diagnosed sufferer of ADD

Champion foosball player

Restaurant Guide

If there is one area in which we still cling to our Northeastern standards, it's food. Sadly there is still a strong need for finer dining in the Knoxville area with only a handful of restaurants that fit the bill in terms of selection, quality, and ambiance. At times these establishments can seem like an oasis in the desert, a reminder of a land in which quality restaurants are the norm. And so then it is with great pleasure we offer the KnoxvilleYankee restaurant guide:

Finer Dining

Baker Peter's - Located at Kingston Pike and North Peters road in West Knoxville, Baker Peter's provides quality fine dining, excellent service, and a wonderful setting. The building is a converted Victorian style house complete with rich wooden floors, banisters, and molding, and features several small and intimate dining rooms that project an elegant yet homey feeling.

In addition to being a restaurant, Baker Peter's is also a jazz club which in and of itself is cool, but which also provides an excellent and sophisticated backdrop for any dining experience. On the one occasion that we've eaten there I got the Surf and Turf entree which was possibly the best I'd ever had, and certainly the best meal I've had in Knoxville. The only draw back is that Baker Peter's is *expensive*, and coming from a New Yorker who is used to an average cost of $20/plate even for lunch, that's saying a lot. But it's worth it. Save those pennies and check out Baker Peter's.

Seasons Cafe - After Baker Peter's, our next favorite restaurant is Season's Cafe located in the Renaissance center off Kingston Pike in Farragut. Literally every thing any person has ever tried there has been excellent. I personally am a fan of the Crab Cakes, Morel Chicken, Flavorful Meatloaf, and Veggie Pesto Pasta. Even the table bread they give you is excellent, a pita-like flatbread that is served with sun dried tomato humus butter.

The accommodations are a little cramped which often requires you to make reservations, but the quality of the food makes any inconvenience worthwhile. As an extra added bonus, one of the regular waitresses is from New York and loves to talk about it. Now granted she's from Long Island, but good Yankees are hard to come by so we appreciate her as part of the wonderful experience that is Seasons Cafe.

Bistro By The Tracks - We've only eaten here only a couple of times, but it was a good experience. Located in the more exclusive Sequoia Hills section of town off of Kingston Pike, Bistro By the Tracks is a relatively trendy and sophisticated eatery that definitely caters to the upscale customer. They clearly have put a great deal of care into their decor and service, and deeply engage you throughout the experience to ensure your needs are being met. From the service to the styling to the clientele, eating here was the closest I've come to recreating the New York higher-end restaurant experience both good and bad. On the good end, the food and service are great and the atmosphere very cosmopolitan. On the bad side it was kind of crowded and some of the self-styled upper class who dined and drank there gave off a pretension and snootiness I don't miss. Still in the end, the Bistro by the Tracks is well worth the visit and sure to be on our list for some time to come.


Fleming's - Although technically a chain and located in the fairly obnoxious and much over-hyped Turkey Creek shopping complex, Fleming's is definitely a high class establishment with high class cuisine. In the vein of another upper-end steakhouse, Ruth Chris, Fleming's offers great service from valet parking and welcoming door attendants, to sophisticated service and great food and wine. Although it's primarily a steakhouse, I swear on all things sacred that I had the best lobster of my life there. It was so good, I literally forced myself to eat almost the entire large portion, many mouthfuls after I was dangerously full. In regard to steak however, both my wife and steak connoisseur friend gave their steak two enthusiastic thumbs up. The only drawback I'm told is that when the dining room is full, it's insanely loud, to the point where you can't have a conversation with someone sitting two seats down from you. When we went it was late and we didn't experience any of that, but given the open design of the room, I can definitely see how it could be an issue. But it doesn't matter to me. You could stand next to me with a megaphone and it wouldn't keep me from that lobster.

International / Specialty

Northshore Brasserie - I'm betraying my foodie credentials by saying this, but I've never been a big fan of French food. That said, the Northshore Brasserie located on Northshore Drive between Ebenezer and the Pellissippi Parkway is rapidly changing that opinion. From the minute you walk in the door you know you're in for a treat. The styling of the venue is comfortably elegant but not overly so, and could easily be the inside of any number of Manhattan restaurants I've known. Their menu is relatively sparse which can be challenging for the picky or uneducated eater, but everything anyone I've eaten there with has tried has always gotten excellent reviews - with the exception of the lobster claws which I found surprisingly disappointing. The service is generally top notch and the pricing surprisingly affordable. Looking at their menu I don't know I've tried enough to make a suggestion on a dish , but the Maine Lobster Fritters, Rock Crab and Leek Tart, and Sweetbread Ravioli will definitely be the next things I try.

Sitar - Good Indian food is hard to find anywhere. Before moving here we assumed it would be impossible to find in Knoxville, but we were thankfully wrong. Sitar, located on Kingston Pike right near Northshore Drive in Bearden Hill, isn't the best Indian food I've ever had, but it's fairly close. The expansive menu offers plenty of great selections, the obligatory lunchtime buffet a great option to see and try lots of different dishes, and the service is a bit quirky but overall good. My favorite dishes are the Vegetable Pakora, Vegetable Biryani, Chicken Sagwala, and Matar Panir; my wife is a big fan of the Chicken Korma and Vegetable Korma. And of course the Naan and Garlic Naan bread are great. We visit Sitar at least twice a month and have no plans to stop any time soon.

Taste of Thai - Taste of Thai, located off of South Peters road between Cedar Bluff Road and Kingston Pike is not a glamorous establishment. The service is adequate and pleasant but far from polished. But as far as Thai food in Knoxville goes, it's by far the tastiest and if it matters to you - affordable. The people I work with are obsessed with TOT with some people eating there two or three times a week. I personally am a fan of the their Pad Thai and Pad Woo Sen which for some reason they call "Pud Thai" and "Pud Woo Sen", as well as their 'Taste of Thai Spring Rolls' off the dinner menu, however all of my TOT-obsessed coworkers only order one thing - the Drunken Noodles. I'm not sure what more there is to say other than if you're looking for Thai food in Knoxville, Taste of Thai is the spot.

Restaurant Linderhoff - I believe Knoxville's only German establishment, Restaurant Linderhoff is excellent, a fact validated by two locals I know who lived in Germany for a time. Nestled in the decaying 'Ingles' shopping center in Farragut, the outside appearance is a welcome disconnect from the German-themed comfortable interior. As would be expected, they offer a wide variety of authentic German sausages, as well as an impressive array of imported German beer and wine. Without exception, everything we and our guests have every tried there have been exellent.The only catch is that the service is by conventional standards extremely slow. Each dish is cooked from scratch for maximum freshness and flavor with cooking times as long as an hour. That's perfectly in character with the rest of their service as well. You will wait 15 minutes for your first drinks. Another half hour for any appetizers, and at least 45 minutes beyond that for your meal. It's not bad service; it's just deliberately relaxed and unhurried. As such, Linderhoff is an excellent place to go with a group of people, talk, have some drinks, and enjoy a leisurely meal. If you're in a rush however, avoid it at all costs.

Tomo - The first good Japanese place we found in Knoxville, our enthusiasm for it has dimmed a bit over the years, but it's still a strong contender. Located on Kingston Pike near the West Town Mall, Tomo features good sushi and conventional Japanese dishes at a fair value. The decor is nothing to get excited about, but at least the service is pretty good and the vibe of the restaurant is relaxing and easy going. Although not relevant to most KnoxvilleYankee readers, I also love it because they feature live electronic music DJ's on Saturday nights at midnight which is uncharacteristically hip for a pretty square place like Knoxville. To me at least, Sushi and House Music are excellent partners.

Gohan Ya - The only other Japanese place on our 'approved' list, Gohan Yah is located in the Fresh Market shopping center near the intersection of Campell Station Road and Kingston Pike in Farragut. Unlike Tomo, Gohan Yah features an open, crisp, and energetic dining room, as well as several sunken booths with privacy screens which we love. The food is pretty decent - about the same as Tomo - but the key selling point is it's authenticity. I make that claim because of what's *not* on the menu (Americanized entrees and appetizers), the large number of Japanese clientele that are always there, the fact that the menu is primarily in Japanese with English subtitles, and the exotic and wide selection of seafood, and the fact that a friend heard from a business associate that whenever he has Japanese clients in for a visit, they will eat there and nowhere else. So that's all good. The only catch is that we're used to Americanized Japanese food, so our uneducated palettes are still learning. Regardless, worth the visit for sure.

Irish Times - When I worked in NY, I'd eat lunch at an authentic Irish pub at least once a week. It was as unhealthy as it was delicious, and I loved it. Irish Times, located towards the end of Turkey Creek is the real deal, and one of the best I've eaten at in Knoxville or any where else. It's owned by a real Irishman, the food is excellent, and the pub part of the establishment has an excellent bar and live Irish music. I highly recommend the fish & chips, and the corned beef and swiss sandwich. Don't miss out!

Assorted Goodness

Lakeside Tavern - There are several reasons why Lakeside Tavern is on this list yet specifically not in the 'Fine Dining' section. First, the food and decor at Lakeside are good, but a clear step down from the restaurants listed as Fine Dining. Second, the restaurant overlooks a pretty lake with a neat older train line on the other side. And third, it was the first place we found in Tennessee that was halfway decent - a much needed island of normality that served us well in our early days in Knoxville.

As mentioned, Lakeside Tavern's food is pretty good. There's a wide selection of various dishes that provide something for everyone, the service is generally pretty good, and it's a relaxing and sometimes scenic setting. On the flip side, it's also a little too popular for it's own good, and it's sometimes difficult to get a table. They also think they're higher class then they are and need to focus on improving the diversity and quality of their dishes, and polish on their service. But all in all, the Riverside Cafe experience is well worth it. In Knoxville there are a few good restaurants at the top, and an massive armada of fast food, chain, and low-grade restaurants at the bottom. There is very little in between. Lakeside Tavern is a welcome alternative that rests at the upper end of that gap. It's located off of Northshore Drive in the Concord/Farragut area.

Table Fifteen - Yet another Turkey Creek restaurant, Table 15 features lighter faire and perhaps one of the best wine collections available in Knoxville. The food is great, the decor is very stylish, and the service good. The only drawbacks are that it's small, they don't take reservations, and most upsettingly (considering their great sandwiches), they're not open for lunch. But if you take it for what it is, it's a great place with fairly great food, perfect for a date or catching up with friends.

Places to Avoid

• Altrudas - Hands down, the worst Italian food I've ever eaten.
• Gondolier - Perhaps the second worst Italian food I've ever eaten.
• Naples - Probably the best of the worst; incredibly mediocre Italian
• Savelli's - Nice ambience; not so nice Italian
• Pasta Trio - They get a B for effort, but the more we went there, the less we liked it
• Etc. - At first I liked this place enough to have it on the restaurant guide. Then I realized I just liked the ambience and was lying to myself about the food.
• Parkside Tavern - The more I go here (it's close to work), the less I like it. Mediocre food and a limited menu.
• Peerless - High prices, so-so food, ridiculous service (they stop in the middle of taking your order to take other people their food)
• Little Bangkok - Greasy, unsettling, Thai/Pan Asian food.